


A Watchful Eye and an Open Heart

by CarlllGallaghrrr



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bit of canon divergence at the end, Canon Era, Canon Related, Carl's POV, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlllGallaghrrr/pseuds/CarlllGallaghrrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Carl wakes up to find Mickey Milkovich sleeping on the floor of his bedroom, he’s confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Watchful Eye and an Open Heart

The first time Carl wakes up to find Mickey Milkovich sleeping on the floor of his bedroom, he’s confused. He doesn’t understand why Mickey’s in his house, first of all, and he really doesn’t understand why he’s in his room. Carl stands there and watches Mickey for a few minutes with his eyebrows raised. Then he looks at Ian sleeping on his bed, half of his face stuffed into his pillow and his hair sticking out all over the place. Carl looks back at Mickey, shrugs his shoulders, and hurries his ass into the bathroom so he can shower before the rest of the Gallaghers wake up.

***

It doesn’t take Carl long to realize why Mickey’s sleeping on his bedroom floor. Carl may not be the smartest, but he’s not an idiot. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Mickey comes down the stairs in the morning in boxers that look suspiciously like Ian’s. It’s hard to miss the way they look at each other when they think no one can see, or the way they sit and stand a little bit too close. Carl doesn’t really know Mickey Milkovich, but he’s pretty sure that Mickey has never smiled at another person the way he smiles at Ian. He watches them all the time, takes it all in, and he starts to wonder what it’s like to fall in love.

It isn’t until Carl meets Bonnie that he really truly thinks about falling for someone. She’s perfect; she’s beautiful and reckless and Carl finds himself always thinking about the next time he’ll get to see her. He lies in bed and thinks about her long blonde hair and how pretty her eyes are and yeah, okay, sometimes he jacks off.

***

The day Carl wakes up and sees Mickey sleeping in Ian’s bed, he decides to confront him. It’s not really a secret anymore that Ian and Mickey are dating. They haven’t come out and said it, but they aren’t trying very hard to hide it either.

He finds Ian doing pull-ups. Carl remembers all of those times before Ian left, back when he was always training for the army and would ask Carl to spot for him. He still has the knife Ian gave him, and Carl feels a pang of sadness. He wonders where that Ian went, and if he’ll ever get him back.

“Is Mickey your boyfriend?” Carl asks.

Ian pauses. “We hang out,” is Ian’s reply, and Carl has to keep himself from rolling his eyes.

“He’s in your bed,” Carl states, and he lightly punches Ian in the stomach. Ian’s response to that is, “Yeah, his family’s a nightmare,” and that reminds him of Bonnie.

“I think I’ve got a girlfriend,” Carl tells Ian, hitting him lightly again. “Her family’s a nightmare, too.”

“Whose isn’t?” Ian asks, and that makes Carl think. There have to be some families that are normal, families that don’t constantly stress about money and families that don’t have alcoholic fathers and mothers that leave. They just aren’t in the Southside.

Carl has one last question. “You love Mickey?” Carl asks, and Ian pauses again. “I like how he smells,” Ian says, and Carl can’t help but smile.

***

Later, when Bonnie tells Carl that she doesn’t like sex, he really doesn’t mind. He’s perfectly content to lie there and just hold her, and when he leans over and buries his face in her hair, he realizes he likes how she smells.

***

When Carl gives Bonnie the necklace, he expects her to be overjoyed. He knows she probably doesn’t have many nice things, and he thought that she would love something pretty. He doesn’t expect her to stiffen, doesn’t expect her face to go blank, doesn’t expect her accusing question, “You’re not starting to like me or anything, are you?”

Carl’s too shocked to say anything but, “Like you?” 

When Bonnie clarifies with, “Like fall in love or anything weird?” all Carl can say is, “No.”

Truth be told, Carl has no idea if he’s falling in love with Bonnie. He thinks she’s beautiful and fun and smart, and he likes how she smells. He knows that he really, really, really likes her, but he doesn’t think she would be very happy with that response.

Carl’s even more surprised when she says sharply, “Good, don’t.”

 

When Carl realizes Bonnie is gone, he feels a hole open up in his chest, and he thinks that maybe he really was a little bit in love with her.

***

When Mickey Milkovich shows up at the door in a panic asking for Lip, the only thing Carl can think is, “Fuck.”

 

Debbie was once afraid of being bipolar. Carl’s always known that odds were one of them would have it, but he hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about that. He didn’t want to think about any of his siblings being…being like Monica.

When Fiona gives up, gets up off the bed with a sigh, Carl feels like sobbing.

***

Carl wants to know if there’s any news about Ian, and that’s why Carl’s at the Milkovich house. At least, that’s why he showed up. He’s not exactly sure how he ended up sitting down and talking to Mickey. He definitely doesn’t know how he’s ended up talking about Monica.

Maybe it’s because Mickey loves Ian. Mickey probably wouldn’t admit it, but Carl knows he does. Maybe it’s because Mickey’s new to all this, this bipolar thing, and Carl knows what it’s like to be the one who doesn’t know how to help. Either way, he finds himself telling Mickey about the time Monica climbed on top of the roof and thought she was a bird. Carl remembers that day like it was yesterday. He remembers the fear that gripped him as he watched his mother spread her arms open and tilt her head back. He remembers Fiona trying to stay calm and keep Debbie and Carl from watching. He remembers Lip and Ian’s terrified and exhausted faces. He remembers the firemen climbing up and getting her to come back down.

It’s been a long time since he’s talked about Monica. Mentioning that incident probably didn’t help Mickey, but it did help him.

 

When Mickey looks over at Carl in the backseat of the car, Carl gives him a small, silent nod.  

***

Carl occupies himself by selling drugs. He knows his siblings would probably kill him, but he’s making money, and they don’t ask where he gets it.

 

When Ian comes home and Mickey doesn’t show up, Carl’s really fucking angry.

 

Carl wants to go to juvie, as terrible as that sounds. He’s needed to get out that house for a long time. The house that’s much too quiet now. The house that has an empty room where Lip doesn’t sleep anymore, the house that Fiona rarely shows up to. The house that’s full of Debbie, who’s nothing like the smart, sensitive, understanding big sister and best friend that she used to be. The house where Ian sits in denial and Liam does what he wants because nobody’s ever fucking watching him.

When Carl says, “Yes, please,” and hears the sighs and sounds of protest from his family behind him, he only feels a little bit guilty.

***

A few weeks later, when Carl sees a tall, lanky boy with bright red hair walk in during visiting hours, he’s excited. He’s missed Ian; he’s missed his big brother, the one that was always kind to him and always offered to help him with school and showed him some of his training. Carl’s different now; he’s running the place, just like he said he would, and he hasn’t learned as much as he would have liked, but he’s learned enough.

Carl’s grinning when Ian sits down in front of him, but it disappears almost instantly. Ian looks thinner, and he also looks exhausted. He has dark circles under his eyes, and his expression is almost blank. He says, “Hey, Carl,” but it sounds emotionless, and Carl has to stop himself from wincing.

“Hey, Ian,” Carl says back with a small smile. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” Ian says, but Carl knows it’s not. Carl can’t help but frown, and after they’ve been sitting in silence for a minute Carl asks, “Are you taking your meds?”

Ian shakes his head. “I don’t need them,” he insists, and Carl suddenly feels much older than he is. He’s heard that argument too many times, and he lets it go.

They talk for a little while about Ian’s job, and Carl tells Ian about juvie. After a while, Carl gathers the courage to ask what he really wants to know.

“How’s Mickey?”

Carl was really fucking pissed when Mickey didn’t show up, yeah, but after a while Carl started to hope that he did. From the little that Carl got from Mickey Milkovich, he’s pretty sure he did.

Ian visibly flinches at the sound of Mickey’s name and shit, that’s not good. “We broke up,” is Ian’s reply, and he sounds even more emotionless than before.

Carl doesn’t ask what happened. He doesn’t want to know what happened. All he really wants, in that moment, is Ian back. His Ian. His big brother Ian. But that Ian isn’t coming back, and the thought makes tears sting his eyes.

Ian sighs. “I have to go,” he says, and starts to get up. Carl blinks the tears away and looks up at Ian.

“Bye,” Carl chokes out, and then a few seconds later, “Please take your meds.”

Ian just looks at him for a few seconds, expressionless, and then he leaves.

***

Later that night, Carl lets the tears come. They fall silently, and Carl squeezes his eyes shut. He wraps his arms around his pillow, and for a second, he allows himself to pretend it’s Bonnie.

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not have cried a bit when I was writing this.  
> Hope you liked it! This is my first Carl fic, and any feedback is appreciated.  
> carlllgallaghrrr.tumblr.com


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